A Sirius Fanfiction
by SqornshellousZeta
Summary: Sirius decides to write his own fanfiction about himself! Totally G rated!


HP belongs to JKRowling.

The Computer is mine.

Hey! This is just a mindless lame story I wrote from midnight to two in the morning. Enjoy!!!!

A Sirius Fanfiction

_It was a very cold and windy night at Number 12 Grimmald Place when an unbelievably awesome and handsome wizard by the name Sirius Bl..._

"No this won't do," Sirius said to himself as he read the first twenty-five words typed on computer, which didn't reply to his statement. The computer was one that Arthur Weasley had taken to Grimmald Place for decharmation, and forgot to return to it's previous home. From the first time Sirius laid eyes on it, he knew it was his salvation from boredom. Thus Sirius began his great interesting website search. From the time he woke up to midnight when he fell asleep on the keyboard, he was at the muggle invention, looking up and finding rather strange things, which confused him greatly. One of the main things had to be the fact that the muggle world seemed to be aware of Harry Potter and everything that had to do with the wizarding world. Even he, Sirius Black, was famous! A week after this amazing discovery, Sirius accidentally found one of the most dangerous and obsessive things a computer had to offer.

_It was a very cold and windy night at Number 12 Grimmald Place when an unbelievably awesome, intelligent, charming and handsome wizard by the name Sirius Black decided to save the world from the approaching evil called Voldemort._

Sirius stopped once again and read his first sentence. It was true that he could never defeat Voldemort. It was true that Harry was the only one who could defeat. Voldemort. It was true that Sirius couldn't step out of his house because of the guards set at each entrance by Molly Weasley. But Sirius just knew that he would make an even more awesome, intelligent, charming and handsome hero than Harry would...and that fans would just love this story. So he continued.

_As Sirius rushed out of the disgusting, evil house-elf infested house with his wand raised and his hair blowing gracefully in the wind, he sensed evil lurking nearby._

_'_Was the hair thing overkill?' Sirius wondered to himself as he read the next sentence. Maybe he was bringing the plot in too fast...

_But even wonderful, wise and skilled wizards are wrong at times. The evil turned to be nothing but a redheaded boy, standing on the parched, dead grass, staring at the ground in horror. "S-spider!" the boy whispered and Sirius realized that this was his first mission of the day._

Sirius sat back and admired the next few sentences of the story. Fans would love an action scene in which Sirius courageously battles and conquers a spider, barely coming out of the fight alive because of the gruesome wounds he tragically gained from the spider's stinger and pinchers. But first, he would have to make the spider seem bigger.

_The spider the boy had spotted had been nothing but a child of the horror to come. The 'horror' was an arachnid from the depths of the underworld. It was a nine-foot tall creature with eight legs that slammed to the ground with the force of a thousand Hagrids jumping at once. Its pinchers, which glistened as the moon shone on them. Its stinger, the greatest and most deadly of its weapons missed him by an inch as the beast suddenly hurled itself towards the tragic hero._

"I-It's Brilliant!" Sirius yelled as he stopped to look at the progress he was making. "Pure genius, amazing, tremendous..." Sirius stopped and stared in awe at the computer in front of him. "I actually willingly wrote something," he whispered to himself.

_Sirius might have missed the stinger, but was hurled through the air a few yards by a leg. He staggered to his feet, wand at the ready and gave a mighty war cry. A few minutes after much fighting and shooting spells at the spider, Sirius' luck seemed to run out. The stinger scratched his hand to his horror. He fell to the ground as he felt the poison curse through him._

This was getting too sad and Sirius didn't quite feel like dying, so he did what no one thought him capable of doing. He brought in another character into his story.

_The seemingly forgotten and unimportant redhead boy stared at Sirius in horror as the hero sunk to the ground. The boy began weeping, for if the unbelievably awesome, intelligent, charming and handsome wizard could not defeat the spider, who could? Sirius, hearing the boy's wail, summoned the last of his strength and shot a death spell at the monster. It worked and Sirius saved the day._

Smiling to himself with satisfaction, Sirius reread what was only the beginning of his story, only making minor changes which seemed to include reminding reader that he was much more wonderful than anybody else in the story. "I rock!" he announced and to his horror he received a reply...only not from the computer, which is always a good thing.

"And why is that Sirius?" Sirius quickly pressed the minimize square at the top of the Microsoft Word window on the screen as Remus walked into the room and looked suspiciously at the screen. Obviously, also hearing Sirius' cry of triumph, Molly, Arthur and Dumbledore himself entered the room.

"Oh dear, is something wrong?" she asked, than spotted the muggle machine Sirius was sitting in front of. "ARTHUR, I TOLD YOU TO TAKE THAT BACK TO ITS OWNER." Sirius, Remus and Arthur flinched at the sound of Molly's screaming. Dumbledore suddenly became interested with a dark green unidentifiable fungus growing on the wall.

"S-s-sorry!" Arthur said honestly. "I forgot!"

"ONE DAY SOMEONE WILL FIND OUT ABOUT YOUR MUGGLE COLLECTION AND YOU WILL BE SENT TO AZKABAN!" Molly continued screaming. Sirius' eye began to twitch as it always did when Azkaban was brought into the conversation. The memory in it was fresh in his mind as the place with no computers. Remus sensing that the fight would become worse, decided to step in.

"I'll take the computer back tomorrow, it'll give me something to do!" he said, forcing a smile on his face though his ears were still ringing with the sound of Molly's shrill screaming. "This house does grow awfully dull, no offense Sirius."

"None taken," Sirius replied, praying that the group would leave him alone. Molly's screams were often compared to a banshee's. Taking much care that no one saw what he was doing, the self proclaimed hero maximized the window and made it as small as possible to where he could still see what he was writing as Molly began to tell Remus that he didn't have to take the computer back.

_Sirius might have defeated the large beast, but his next opponent was just as deadly. As he journeyed on through the deserted streets in his magnificent dog form, a figure jump out of the shadows and Sirius knew for certain that it was a banshee. Icy shivers traveled down his spine as the banshee opened her mouth and took a deep breath, getting ready for a long deadly scream._

"ARTHUR, YOU WILL NOT LET THIS POOR YOUNG MAN TAKE THAT COMPUTER ALL THE WAY TO LONDON!"

"I don't mind! I really don't mind! Please stop screaming!" Remus moaned, hands over his ears, but Mrs. Weasley didn't seem to hear his pleading.

_From behind the banshee, Sirius could make out two other figures, frozen in fear and awaiting their doom. One of them was Remus Lupin, who was like a brother to Sirius and the other was Arthur Weasley who was like an uncle to the sad hero. He knew he must save these two people just like he saved the redhead from the spider. With a surge of energy he turned human again and cast a muting spell on the fiend and watched as the banshee choked and stared with horror at him. Once again, Sirius was a hero._

Mrs. Weasley opened her mouth after taking a deep breath, but soon realized that as she was screaming, no words were coming out. Even Dumbledore looked up when he noticed the abrupt silence. She tried again, but no luck. Sirius giggled sinisterly at the computer until he saw the reflection in the screen. Molly was staring at him with a look that would surely kill the sad, tragic and attractive hero. But luckily he managed to hang on to life. After screaming wordlessly she turned and left the room. Dumbledore went back to studying the fungus growing on the wall and all Arthur and Remus could do was sigh with relief and collapse on the couch beside the table Sirius had the computer set on.

_Now Sirius had defeated two foes, he looked up at the half moon above him and hoped that he would live to see the light of day again. He trudged on, knowing that he must find and stop Voldemort._

"Hey, what are you writing?" Sirius heard Remus ask behind him.

"It's none of your business! Leave me alone, I just saved your life you know!" Arthur looked at Remus in confusion, but Remus just shrugged and started asking Dumbledore about the fungus and if it was poisonous.

'Speaking of poison...'

_Sirius began to feel the effects of the spider's poison again. He knew he only had hours to live and that he must find and kill Voldemort quickly. Luckily the death-eaters were having a meeting a few blocks down and the tragic hero was able to make it there. As he spied on the death-eaters he noticed that they had a guest with them. Yes, Harry Potter himself was there, beaten within an inch of his life, Harry struggled just to breathe. Sirius knew he must save his godson, so with his Gryffindor bravery he jumped out of his hiding place and began killing death-eaters. After killing Lucius Malfoy, Bellatrix and whoever her husband is, Wormtail and Macnair, he found himself face to face with the dark lord._

Sirius heard a snort, which turned into a full out laughing attack. He looked behind him to see both Remus and Arthur trying to keep straight faces while pretending not to have been looking at his story.

"YOU WOULDN'T BE LAUGHING IF YOU WERE THE ONE DYING!" he yelled, loosing his temper. Now even Dumbledore was chuckling.

_Sirius and the dark lord stared at each other for a while. Then Voldemort extended his hand. "Well done Sirius, you have fooled the Order well and thank you for getting rid of these lower beings," Voldemort pointed to the bodies of his former followers._

Sirius giggled, as the room grew quiet.

"Sirius," Dumbledore said, as if addressing a five-year old, "is there something we need to talk about?" Sirius ignored him. Remus rolled his eyes as Arthur and the fungus shared nervous glances.

_Sirius smirked, but as you all know, Sirius is a good guy and the hero of this story. He was tricking Voldemort and suddenly he killed the evil villain with the killing curse. Sirius had now saved the wizarding world. He looked over to his godson who limped over to him. Sirius now could feel himself wasting away. He sunk to the ground and died. Harry cried, but eventually got over it and had Diagon Ally renamed Sirius Ally. The End._

"What an ending!" Sirius heard Remus comment.

"It's to add dramatic effect! Fans will love it!" Sirius said as he saved his dramatic story. "Angst rules the fiction world now!"

"Oh," Remus said thoughtfully, "and I thought you were writing a humor story..." Sirius glared, Arthur chuckled, Dumbledore smiled and the fungus thought about who it was going to eat first. "And next you'll be writing a story about Voldemort and Petunia getting together..."

"No need," Sirius said. "I've already found one!"

"Eww."


End file.
